Monday, October 27, 2008

Simply tired

I'm tired, plain and simple.

I'm a wife, a mom and to top it off, I'm pregnant. I still wake up at night with panic attacks, I dream about delivery day and it scares me. The odd thing is that during the day, I'm not scared to meet Gillian. My time to rest from this world is always interrupted with the thoughts of the 30 minutes of me in the operating room, laying there in straps, waiting to see my daughter for the first time. I know despite it all, her physical challenges, she will be loved. I feel like she was given to me because I can do it! I know I can do it, I know I can care for this little baby girl. As I type this I cry slightly, it's normal, I do it often. As I type this, I also am comforted with baby Gillian's hiccups, I love when she has them. If she is as sweet as the hiccups I feel inside me, then I'm already blessed. I also think that being in the truth is ever so important to me now because I know Gillian, one day will be physically perfect. I wish we didn't live in a world where "looks" was everything. I know, I know, coming from someone who "prides" herself in the way she looks, how odd, isn't it?

Despite it all, her love for will never fail me. Her love will never fail me. HER LOVE will NEVER fail me.
Baby G, I love you.

1 comment:

My crazy crazy life said...

Awwww Jen, now you have me crying. I love your blog about Gigi. No matter what obstacles you may face, she will be your beautiful little girl and she will be so smart and so loved. I know you can do it and I know SHE can do it too.