Tuesday....December 22nd.

This time last year, I was at the hospital, then at that time, it was a Monday and I was getting ready to take you home!!! I was getting to take you HOME!!! After the pregnancy, who would have thought, right? What is so weird about last time this year is that it was muggy and oh so cold, just like today. I look outside and I instantly remember sitting in the recliner at the hospital holding you and wondering if you were going to be warm enough when we got outside. I remember last year Dr. Carter giving me the a-o.k. to check us out of Scottsdale Shea. I called your daddy and said, "come get us". He was at home trying to put together your bassinet. He came to the hospital, walked into my hospital room and the first thing I asked him was, "where is the carseat?" He looked at me and said he forgot it. He had to go home to get it. Poor daddy.

We finally drove up to the house. I felt so proud. I knew inside was your big brother and Nana. I was SO proud to have you home Gillian! I was hoping by me taking my time getting out of the car (I had to because I had a c-section), some of the neighbors could take a look that their neighbors who just had their baby. Maybe they would feel the happiness that daddy and I did in that very moment.

I got you inside, put you into the bassinet that took daddy over 2 days to put together (you can ask him about the bassinet one day, he put it together backwards). You were warm, sleeping and comfortably resting. I sipped on chicken broth, I kindly "took" about 50 packets from the gallery that they have in the maternity ward. I loved my chicken broth.

So, there you go, my love. A one year reminder of daddy and I taking you home.

I love you sweet girl.

Love always,

Mommy

P.S. It's December 22nd, 2009, 1:00 p.m. (your watching cartoons from you crib)

You're 1!

You are officially 1!!!! I can't believe we've made it this far. Check out how much fun we've had G. Everyday, you do something that makes us ALL smile!

I love you G,

Mommy

Seriously, I can't be this busy!!!

I can't even believe that a year has gone by, well, actually, a year tomorrow. Today, your big brother turned 8 and tomorrow, my love, my sweet little girl, you will be a 1 year old!! Where did the year go? Someone please tell me because I have NO idea where it went!!

I'm so sorry I haven't posted on the blog, baby G. I've been so busy home school Triston and you, for the past 2 months, 1 week have been in a spica cast (full body cast) for your hip and club foot.

Despite the fact your right femur was totally dislocated when you came into this world, you have found your own way to get around. You're SO strong. Your first word was mama. Whenever daddy asks you to say, "daddy", the only word that comes out of your sweet mouth is "mama". You love, LOVE to dance and you love the song, "Single Ladies" by Beyonce. You bounce around and love, LOVE watching the music video. O.k., so maybe not age appropriate for a little baby girl but you LOVE the song and darn it, you can have your way, at least just this time.

October 27th, of 2009, you went in for a 2 hour surgery to get your femur/hip into place. This is you in the video below, once they gave you some "happy medicine". You were so hungry because you couldn't drink milk after 4 a.m. and you needed some calming down. The medication worked, you became loopy. Even then, while you were being rolled away from me in this cage looking crib, you were so happy. Calm and happy. My heart, my heart was heavy and I already missed you. It was the longest 2 1/2 hours of my life. You're so brave, Gillian, always be brave.

You have to wear the spica cast for 12 weeks. Dr. Vu told me yesterday at your visit that you have 21 days left, wahoo! I miss your legs, I can't wait to give you a bath!!! I love you Gillian so much, I am so blessed you are my daughter.

Love,

Mommy

Crawling in her own way.

So, I see shows on t.v. of other babies her age crawling on both legs and using their arms to prop their bodies up, not my sweet G. Boo boo uses her arms to pull her body around and only one leg to give her body a push. Occasionally, she uses her big toe to give her body a push as well, it's too cute. I don't feel sorry for her, SHE found her OWN WAY to get around and I love it. She's amazing. Look for yourself.

She still needs help sitting up, anyone would if your hip was dislocated. I still make her sit up with my help throughout the day. This little girl is so amazing, she is such a blessing to me and I can't imagine life without that little peanut.

Love you G!

Mommy

4 months, WHAT?

Ok.... I know, it's been 4 months since I last blogged. You're 4 months older, 4 months wiser and I'm 4 months (still) fatter. You have been SO busy, learning new things, I've been learning new things, we're still having a blast little girl. O.k., so in the past 4 months, let me take you down memory row.

May 13th, 2008

Daddy and I took you to have an MRI at PCH. You were so brave, so little and dressed to kill. The Dr.'s and nurses had to put you under because you had to lay really still as they did an MRI on your right femur and hip. Daddy and I had to wait in the waiting room where other families were waiting for their babies/child to finish up with whatever procedure they were doing as well. Sitting at PCH with other families gives you this bond with them, you will never speak a word to them but the glance and smile they give you lets you know "you're not in this alone".

We waited for over an hour, I was getting SO jittery, I wanted to see you so badly. Finally, after an hour and 15 minutes the nurse came and got us. We walked down this long hallway and halfway to your room, I heard you cry. Your cry rather was more like a scream cry. I got to you. You were not wanting to take a bottle. The nurses didn't know what to do. I switched the nipple on the bottle to the one you are use to and you took your "baby gatorade" right away. I held you, I kissed you, I told you how brave you were. We go home, I sat in the backseat with you in the car so that I could make sure you were o.k. You were groggy, oh so tired. You slept for a few hours after we arrived home and so did I. PCH wanted us there super early for your procedure.

A few days later. Dr. Vu's office called. Your right femur looks great and your hips are fully formed!!!! (Can you say, THANK YOU!!!!).

Daddy and I shared tears in our bathroom as soon as I got off the phone with Dr. Vu's assistant, Jennifer. We love good news!!

I love you girl, you're my fighter, my sweet girl.

11 pounds 6 ounces

You're getting so big girly! You had your 4 month check-up today, you were all smiles until you got your shots, ouch. You had a busy week as well, you went on your first vacation up to the Forest Houses with dad, Triston, Nana and mommy. You had a blast. You loved watching the fire and laying around with those who adore you so much. Keep doing what you do girl, grow, be healthy, love and know how much I love, LOVE you.

Love,

Mommy

4 months

I can't believe your 4 months old already. You'd the stinky da binky baby. Mommy made red velvet cake yesterday, shhh, I gave you a taste of the frosting, don't tell your doctor! You rolled over for the first time, your trying to sit up and you still like to coo and yell, a lot. You like to wake mommy up at 6 a.m. to play. You're THE BEST! I can't get enough of you. My sweet girl, I love you so much mama.

Yes, you are too cool!

Loving life with you next to me

Look at you, so curious and so wanting to talk away...o.k., maybe not talk but you sure do love your own voice!

For anyone who visits my blog because I posted a message on your blog and you wanted to see who I am, please, by all means, follow me OR follow my cooking blog I share with one of my dear friends, Jaime.

Jaime & Jen DISH

For those who don't know me, I've been married for 10 years, next month to my sweet husband, Bart. I have two children, Triston and my sweet Gillian. I'm a stay at home mom who loves to be wife/mom and a chef in our kitchen.

This blog here is for my daughter....for her to read later on in life.....I hope you enjoy it now.

A year ago....

A year ago, April 10th, daddy and I were laying in Dr. Nemiro's office with 3 embryos inside me. I did IVF this time, your big brother was a ZIFT transfer. 3 embryos were in great shape and one was just lingering around, Dr. Nemiro said the runt was still viable so he decided to transfer that one in me as well. I'm glad he did, that runt could have been you. I layed around for 2 weeks, TWO LONG weeks. My first BETA came in at 7, my second BETA was 52. Fast forward a year, your laying in our bed sleeping and dreaming away.

I'm so glad I mustered enough energy and strength to go at it again, I can't imagine life without you my love.

Love always,

Mommy

3 months!

I can't beleive you you've been with us for 3 whole months! I can't beleive it's been 3 months since I've had a nights sleep either. You still amaze me daughter. You started smiling at 6 weeks, started coo-ing at 7-8 weeks and now you started giggling, it's amazing! We're still trying to figure out exactly what makes you laugh outloud but when you do, we sit there in awe. You've been wearing your hip harness for about 1 month 2 weeks to move your right femur into the hip socket. You have to get an MRI soon and I'm scared to death because they have to put you under for the procedure. I wish you didn't have to go through any of this angel but I would move mountains for you my love. I'll do whatever it takes, both daddy and I will do it, you'll see!


Look how vocal you are!

You still are farting like a man and we crack up everytime you do. You fart, then you scream and then I give you Gripe Water. It's gotten better since birth. Your thriving, growing and doing everything a 3 month old baby does. You're also losing your hair, you're going bald, just like I like it! Go girl!

I love you sweetpea,

Mommy

Fun with Daddy

Sweet Gillian, you melt daddy's heart...he turns into mush when you smile...just watch! You started smiling at 6 weeks and you were a pro at 8 weeks!

Fun with you!

One day...your story will be told

One day sweet girl, we will tell you how hard mommy and daddy cried, weaped and fought for you. One day you will see that we did everything we could to make "this" right. You will see, one day the endless visits to Dr.'s, specialists and children's hospitals we took you too. One day, I hope you know how badly we wanted to make it "right". The day will come and you will see how mommy and daddy WON that fight and we hope you look at us as and appreciate all the hard work as parents we did and will continue to do for you sweet girl.

Monday, February 10th, a visit to Phoenix Children's Hospital. I sat with you in the waiting room as endless amounts of children and their parents came in to wait to see their Dr.'s. A lot of children who are fighting for their lives. I sat there and wondered how their parents are coping and I realize, they are probably doing the same thing mommy and daddy are doing, fighting!! I saw a little girl who was around 2 years old who I know will never be right. I noticed she already had brain surgery. I also noticed that her mom looks at her as if she was the best thing that was on planet earth and you know what, she was. This little girl, though so sick was so darling and looked at her mommy with eyes of an angel. She was perfect even to me, though I know she is not perfectly healthy. I know there are children in this world who is so far off, there is nothing anyone could do except their parents giving them endless love. I hope my friends and family who have little ones truly appreciate how fortunate they are to have healthy children. I hope they appreciate that the only visits to doctors offices is for the cold they got at school. You, my love, you are my miracle. You are my sweet baby girl. My dream come true.

Here is the visit to Phoenix Children's Hospital. You did great! Just look and see! It was rainy and cold that Monday, so I put you in the Oriental Inspired outfit Mike Fontana got you!

Here is the U/S tech who did your hip ultra-sound.

You did great!

I had to feed you to keep you comfy while you had the U/S.

You were so comfy, you feel asleep.

You go back in a week for another U/S. I know you're going to do great!

Love,

Mommy

Sleep little one, sleep....

My sweet pink angel.

I haven't had a nights sleep in 7 weeks, Miss G. My favorite moments is when you wake up for a feeding, I nurse you, I burp you and then you get to sleep on my chest for a few. I love having the top of your head hit my lips because it's easy access for lots of kisses when you're laying on my chest. You smile in your sleep and it looks like it's rubbing off because now you are slowing smiling while you are awake. I don't mind waking up with you in the middle of the night because it's a reminder of how lucky I am that you are here with us. My sweet baby girl, I love you. I have a lot of favorites with you, by far however , my favorite is when you and daddy find some time for a nap in the afternoon.

I watched a little face sleeping, eyelashes fluttering so, I wondered of the dream you were having, and if angels were playing there. I watched a little face sleeping, your little mouth was smiling so, I hope that you are as happy as me, holding you in my arms. I watched a little face sleeping, making sure of the breath you take, to watch you breathe and keep you safe, is all that matters to me. I watched a little face sleeping, holding your small hand in mine, five little fingers on each hand, as one hangs onto mine. I watched a little face sleeping, and as I prayed to myself, I thank God for letting me watch a little face sleeping.

Good night Gillian.

I love you,

Mommy

Your first day in service...

You cried the entire time.

Two days later, you are still crying.

I am ready to cry.

A visit to Dr. Vu

Getting ready to go to Dr. Vu, my love.


It was just you and I today, here's the long stroll to his office.

We made it!
We paid the co-pay and now we wait to see him.


Here is the hard table they lay you on. They certainly do not make it for comfort!


Here he is checking out your foot, you were so calm!


Now you're pissed off, you have your cast back on. I don't blame you baby.

We go back next Friday at 11:30, then you and I will go get a burger at the Magic Mushroom Burger Shop.

I love you.

Mommy

Tears and kisses

Last night, I was awake a few times to feed you (big surprise, huh?)....I am still in awe of you little one...and I thought of all the sad days, weeks and months when you were in my tummy....not a wasted pregnancy, just a lot of concern and thoughts of, "why me", "why my daughter".

I cried thousands of tears while you were protected in me.

Then I met you.

I promise to make it up with millions of kisses...


I only have a dozen kisses left until I meet that goal.


Peace,


Mommy

Thanks Tina for the bunny!

Stretch it out Gillian

She may never get the chance to wear these shoes.

Swollen foot, stretching out your leg now that the cast is off.

Checked your toes as I do everyday.

I realized your toes looked extra fat, SUPER fat.

Showed your daddy.

Called Orthopedic Dr.

Dr. said remove the cast.

Cast is off of you until Thursday.

Don't get your hopes up too high sweet G, you get another one in 48 hours.

I love you.

Mommy

A month later

Asleep....

Trying to suck on her arm...

I gave her a new hair-do after her bath.

My sweet girl, today you are 4 weeks and 2 days old. You are asleep on the leather couch right now, mostly because I wanted to put you in a room where it wasn't so hot. Our A/C broke and sadly in Arizona, even in January, you need A/C. G, you are in REM right now, hopefully dreaming about giving mommy and daddy a great nights sleep. Look how little you are, I layed my hand next to you so others can see just how "newborn" little you are.One day when your older and your curious as to why I take so many photos of you and Triston, well, it's simple.. I have only one photo of me as a toddler....and then it picks back up when I'm 5. I wish I had more but my parents didn't have the money to document my early years of life...and who am I kidding, technology NOW is amazing.

Triston and daddy are playing Rockband and I've been cooking eggplant parm for dinner, very low-key day. It's MLK today and tomorrow, these United States of America gets a new President. You have an appointment tomorrow with Dr. Hauben, you get shots...I'm concerned about the shots ordeal because they give it into your legs and you only have one leg available as your left leg is in a full leg cast. I know Dr. Hauben will make it work, he adores you. Funny thing to mention is that tomorrow will mark your THIRD, yes I said 3rd visit with him in under a week.....I know, I know, I worry about you G....he told me to relax....easier said then done.

Now that she is more on a schedule...and I'm finally getting the hang on this baby thing, I plan on blogging more often...I can't wait for you to read this later on in life...because it will only confirm it all my love that I love you so much and daddy and I fought for you to be here and will never get out of the ring. Fight on girl, you deserve it.

I love you G.

2 weeks baby girl!

Oh Gillian, it's been over 2 weeks since I met you, my sweet little girl. I can't beleive for 17 weeks, while pregnant with you, I refered to you as a "him or a he". I was certain that I was having another boy and knew in my head that there is no way I could have a little girl because I was just so use to have a son. I was surprised when the U/S tech said, it's a girl. I'll never forget the happy tears I shed as I told your daddy that he will be walking his daughter down the isle in years to come. When you are older, I will tell you all about the pregnancy, the tears shed between your father and I, the stress we carried and the happiness when we finally met you my sweet baby girl.

Your daddy is over the moon with you (as we all our). There is just something to be said when a father holds his little girl. Your his, period, daddy's little girl.

Yesterday we took you to your first meeting at the Hall. I was so happy to show you off as many knew the hard road we took in order to get you here. You made everyone smile, people flocked to you to see who our little miracle was, who she was all about. I was so proud!

Everyday I wake up and I smile, I have my boy, I have my girl. Though I know the road ahead of us could be rough, just know that as my daughter, I will take care of you and will never let you down.

I love Gillian!

Your mommy